A year has passed from my last post. If you are already accustomed to my constant habit of putting off things until the last minute, you shouldn't be THAT surprised.
I am now twenty six.
What have I gained more this year compared to when I was 25?
Well, I've gained a little weight and this is incredibly frustrating at times. No matter how good you feel about yourself, someone will always throw a jibe in your general direction and say "Eh, you've put on weight!" or my favourite of them all "uh, your boobs and waistline are getting bigger...you better cut down on your food intake".
As a person who is struggling with bulimia, it is hard to accept yourself for everything that you have done and accomplished when you have people throwing comments like that in your face. It just drives you to go back to the old, destructive habits. I started comparing myself when I was living in Sheffield and living in Kuala Lumpur. In Sheffield, no one called me 'fat' because to them I looked 'underaged'. I got picked up by boys who were much younger than me. Here? Just because you're not a size 8, you are automatically labelled 'fat' and 'undeserving of anyone's attention'. It's hard just knowing that the definition of 'being yourself' actually means 'conforming to social ideals'.
But then I read this quote by J.K. Rowling that goes a little like this:
“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.”
...and I told myself that "You are better than that. So what if you gain weight? You have the brains and brawn to back the goods". I'm learning to love and appreciate my body one day at a time. I'd rather be called 'fat' than 'stupid', to be honest. F-A-T = Fantastic, Acerbic, Tenacious.
I would say that I've gained more perspective on appreciating appearances. Be you, and don't be stupid.
Other things I have gained:
I've gained the wisdom to maintain relationships that are worth keeping and fighting for. The ones that matter will always have your best interests at heart, and the ones that don't are toxic and deserved to be eliminated from your life.I've gained the wisdom to have faith and believe that things will fall through. Things really do happen for a reason.
I've gained the wisdom to be humble and ask for guidance whenever it was necessary. Being proud is never a good look on anyone.
I've gained the wisdom to be know when to speak and when to listen. Like my dad always says: "God gave you a mouth and two ears for a reason".
I've gained the wisdom that your gut instinct about a person is almost always never wrong. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I've gained new friendships that were fostered from the love of music, television, and sports. It's nice to see that someone appreciates your love/dedication for certain things and still not judge you when you are being ridiculous for crying over a heartbreaking episode of your favourite TV show or even watching your team lose when they shouldn't have at all.
Some of you may ask, "Got boyfriend or not?", and to which my answer will always be "oh he's too busy playing football to come down and see me". Truth be told, I don't think I'm ready yet. I haven't found that one person and I can go around and say "you're my kind of perfect". People say I've set unattainable standards, but I don't think so. I just want someone who appreciates me for all the dumb things I do and say, and still say "I wanna grow old with you". I have been fortunate enough to witness the union of two souls in love. I have also been fortunate enough to see them have little tykes of their own. I hope maybe one day, I would be as fortunate as them. I'm still young (this is coming from a person who constantly complains about being old to numerous people), I should be enjoying my youth. I'm going to do just that until the right one comes along and says "just the two of us against the rest of the world".
Twenty six, still plenty to fix. So many things to do, so little time
I'd like to say 'thank you' to everyone who made my twenty-sixth birthday nothing short of wonderful. Your wishes, texts, calls, tweets, edits, cards, presents, and cakes made me really thankful that you are in my life (despite the fact that I've been a lousy and terrible friend to you). I'd also like to thank Him for keeping me alive to let me see the beauty in the world for another year.
Here's a little something for you before I end: Mark Owen's They Do.
P/S: I will try to update more often. I know I say this every year, but this time I plan on sticking to it.
