Saturday, October 6, 2012

010. Twenty five, staying alive.

As I sit here and write this, I'm already twenty five. Cue the start of the quarter-life crisis. Turning twenty five isn't as grand as turning 80 or even 100, but as quoted by The Doctor in "The Lazarus Experiment":


Some people live more in twenty years than others do in eighty. It's not the time that matters, it's the person.
I feel like I have accomplished many things in these 25 years. I remember when I was 15, I wrote this list that I named "Things to do before I turn 25" (yes, I know. I am incredibly original). Let me share what I set out for myself in this list of mine.

  • gain a Bachelors degree in Psychology
  • gain a Masters degree
  • study in the United Kingdom
  • travel around the United Kingdom and/or Europe
  • visit Germany (more specifically, visit Neuschwanstein Castle)
  • have a job
  • own a Mini Cooper
  • buy an apartment unit or a house for my parents
  • learn to ride a bicycle
  • learn to swim
  • get married
  • watch a 'live' football match outside Malaysia
  • visit all the football stadiums
  • learn to cook
Safe to say, some of the things on the list have materialised. 

I have a Bachelors degree in Psychology, something I am quite proud of, given how everyone in family (including the extended ones) have done studied accountancy/finance/business-related subjects. My father used to mention how everyone in the world needs an accountant in hopes that I would actually pursue it. Sadly, I never shared those sentiments. Despite getting a 'A' for accounts (how this happened still remains a mystery), I stuck to my guns and pursued Psychology, much to my father's chagrin.

As soon as I obtained my Bachelors degree, I decided to pursue my Masters degree in Psychology. Instead of following the paths my friends took and dive into the land of employment, I wanted to keep going while I was still in the "I am a student, I need to keep studying" mentality. There was a strange compulsion to keep that momentum going. I took the challenge and decided to go one better: pursue my Masters degree overseas. I moved to a new city/country/continent for a whole year, I had to learn how to do things on my own: cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, medical appointments, the likes. I have always had all these things done for me, and it was definitely a challenge to me as these things were so readily available to me. I was taken out of my comfort zone, away from my family and friends. In that one year, I learnt to be independent and comfortable in my own skin. With this new-found confidence, I jumped at the chance and applied for a summer job working for the university. There, I met so many lovely people of different nationalities and backgrounds. I was no longer timid and shy around others as the job required me to communicate and understand the needs of others. I travelled around the UK (alone and with friends) and I had the best moments of my life. I watched musicals, indulged in art exhibitions, watched football matches 'live' and on my own, toured football grounds that I have always dreamt of visiting, learnt culture and history, and breathed in beautiful sights and sceneries. In the span of one year, I have been fortunate enough to prove to everyone that I was no longer a 'spoilt, pampered princess'. I am now proud, confident and stronger than I was when I was 22.

I now have a permanent job and it has been an eventful seven months or so. I am still learning and I am now ready to take on bigger challenges. There have been some great times, and there have been some not-so great times. I'm learning to take them all as experiences. We all know what experiences do to us - it makes us stronger and smart enough to avoid the same holes we put ourselves in before.

I fell in and out of love. On this matter, I have decided to let things fall into place. I'm in no rush to get married or procreate. I want to enjoy being on my own, for now. I am a little tired of people coming up to me and asking "Don't you want a boyfriend? Why are you not actively looking for one?!". Truth be told, I am just not ready to let myself go completely when I am in love with someone. Being picky may have a small role in my decision, but I just want to love someone when I am ready. I don't want to be forced into getting involved in something/someone only for me to look back and regret about it. I will be ready, and until then, let me enjoy the way my life is going.

I still haven't gone to Germany, but from the time I was 15 until now, I learnt of new places and cultures. I want to explore and experience them all before I die. I still haven't bought a house for my parents, but it's okay, I'm getting there. I am definitely not getting a Mini Cooper, given that I have no intention of driving in this country. As you get a little older (maybe a little wiser, too) you realise that you need to be practical about things and think "Hang on a minute, you can't afford that. Oh well, time for Plan B!".

People have come and gone in my life. Some left, some stayed. If it weren't for any of them, I wouldn't have been the person I am today. I don't believe that time heals all wounds, but it does heal some wounds to a certain extent. I have had falling outs with friend that lasted a few years, only for time to teach me that it was time to forgive. Friendships that ended began again. I lost many great people to death and often times, I go through the five stages of grief. There is never a day that I don't think about them or how much I miss them. It's always in death that you learn to appreciate life. I learn to live my life while I am still alive and breathing.

I am thankful for everyone that has coloured my ordinary life. I am thankful for all the experiences that I have gone through, even the awful ones. Most of all, I am thankful that I am still alive to (hopefully) see through another year.

Happy 25th birthday, self. You are older, wiser, and sweeter. Don't check for grey hair and/or wrinkles, don't sweat the small stuff. A year from now, you will look back on this and tell yourself "There's progress".

A special musical treat for you - Take That's When We Were Young.